Like the First Snow

The ride back to the royal villa takes nearly the whole day for Wonbeom and Soyong. The sun is on its way to hide under the horizon, and the chill of the summer evening spreads through the air.

Wonbeom helps the Queen to reach the ground, but doesn’t let go of her, wondering if he can earn another kiss. She shyly looks away and steps aside.

Wonbeom pouts to himself, lagging a few steps behind her as they walk up to the villa. He’s already pushed the limits of their current relationship, but he feels impatient and greedy. After a year of playing hide and seek, he can’t stop himself now. Especially when he lived with the thought of losing her completely for two weeks. Now every second without her makes him feel robbed.

He is about to ask her if he can at least stay for dinner before he returns to the palace when he hears footsteps. To his surprise, he finds Hwa Jin and Gyeong-eung walking together, both looking apologetic after recognizing them.

“Your Majesty. Your Highness.” Hwa Jin bows, and her husband nods in tow. “I apologize. We didn’t know it was you.”

“It’s alright,” Wonbeom says. “Did you wait for us?”

“We did, but it’s getting late,” his brother says. “We should probably head home for the night and meet tomorrow after everyone has rested.”

“I have something to share as well, though it may not be particularly helpful.” Hwa Jin looks in the direction of the Queen, her recent ally. “But I think it must be heard.”

“Is it about Yul Mee?” Soyong asks curiously. “What is your impression?”

“I’m not sure how to put it politely…” Hwa Jin ponders out loud. “But I suppose some people don’t change.”

“I also think she’s a witch.” Soyong doesn’t bother to find more civil words. Wonbeom thinks the word she really wanted to say was even stronger and more vulgar. She is no stranger to swearing in anger, as he has observed from afar over the past year.

“Is that the item I asked of you?” Soyong steps forward to Hwa Jin, looking at the scroll in her hand.

“Oh, yes, I finished it.” Hwa Jin unfurls it and shows it to Soyong but makes sure that Wonbeom doesn’t see. If things keep going this way with their constant secrecy, Soyong and Hwa Jin will surely soon announce each other as best friends.

“You’re really talented! It’s perfect.” Soyong touches the paper, tracing the lines. “Thank you.”

His brother and Hwa Jin leave them alone after promising to meet tomorrow morning for another brainstorming session. Before they go, Wonbeom emphasizes that they need to hurry and be ready for action soon, and his brother assures him their men are waiting for orders.

“My Queen.” He finally faces her again to voice his request. “May I share dinner with you?”

What he really wants to share with her is a bed, as the memories of their heated kisses are still fresh in his mind. When they had heard a noise from stray travelers on the road, Wonbeom was already leading her to lie on the grass. But the interruption reminded them that it was an open space and they would be heard if they kept going. Perhaps even the robbers that ran away from them earlier would hear them. If only they were not disturbed, he probably would have been asking for a second round right now and not for dinner.

“I think you must go, Your Majesty.” A faint smile appears on Soyong’s lips. “But first, let me give you a present…”

Puzzled, Wonbeom looks at the scroll in her outstretched hands. Did she ask Hwa Jin to make a present for him? Even more curious now, he unrolls it and sees a skilled portrait of a man — a man with a strange haircut, short and styled in an odd way. It’s a strange gift from a wife to her husband, but Soyong and Wonbeom are an unusual couple and he guesses what this is about.

“You never saw him.” Soyong’s voice is soft and quiet. “This is the man that had a hand in saving you, me, and the whole kingdom.”

“Jang Bong Hwan,” Wonbeom smirks. “I can imagine him with your past quirks.”

He looks at her, smiling, and sees Soyong’s strange facial expression, a sort of sad serenity. He tenses, having a bad feeling. They were talking about Bong Hwan earlier this day without being uncomfortable, but now he senses the past feeling of walking on a thin rope. Any unbalanced move will cause his fall.

“Is this some kind of test?” he asks, frowning. “My Queen, are you testing me with this?”

“Not at all. It’s a genuine present, Your Majesty.”

Wonbeom snorts at that lie. Nothing regarding Bong Hwan and Soyong is simple.

“Did you wait for me to react differently?” Hot anger starts rising in Wonbeom. He can’t believe she is pushing him to the very beginning after all the progress they have made. “I’m trying so hard to show you how much you mean to me. I can’t change our past to help you feel better. I’m not the one who makes you suffer, Soyong. You do this to yourself.”

“Your Majesty is right.” She’s too calm, opposite to his storm of emotions. “I’m going to give up soon, Your Majesty. I thought there was a chance for me to move on from you, but I see it’s impossible. So I’m going to give up soon.”

“I do not wish for you to give up to me,” Wonbeom pleads. He does not want to pressure her or tire her down until she accepts him. That has never been his intention. “I want you to not give up on me.”

“As you said, we cannot change the past.” Soyong’s eyes glisten with tears that are dangerously close to falling down her cheeks.

“You are so unfair to me,” he sighs, feeling his eyes tearing up too. “Do you think Byeong-In truly loved you? Or maybe you are ready to believe Seo Hwi’s feelings after he taught you to throw knives a couple of times?” Wonbeom breathes heavily and he can hear blood pounding in his ears. “Rubbish!” he spits out, not bothering to be polite. “They do not know you the way I do! They never see you the way I do!”

He steps close to her, his free hand reaching for her face. She doesn’t move away from him, but looks calmly in his eyes. He places his palm on her cheek, caressing it with his thumb.

“Why can’t you believe me?” he whispers. “I wish you would believe me. You don’t have to love me in return if you don’t want to. Just… believe me.”

“How can I, Your Majesty?” she asks, voice trembling. “If you can’t admit the most obvious thing, I can’t believe your words.”

“Cruel woman.” Wonbeom steps aside from her. He moves away, not breaking their eye contact until he turns around and leaves for the palace without saying anything else.

Wonbeom is so frustrated with her again; he even almost feels contempt. He had known it would not be easy, but he had still hoped if he opened his heart she would see his sincerity.

For a year he waited for her to make up her mind. He saw how she awkwardly tried to understand who she is now. Some things were lost for her and she didn’t miss them: she enjoyed eating new dishes, but had little interest in cooking them. Some things she accepted and enjoyed, such as that delightful way of swearing she used when upset or exhilarated. And some, like mastering throwing knives, she learned again.

Soyong took a year to build herself up after a shocking and unusual experience. Meanwhile, Wonbeom waited, wondering when it would be his turn, when she would look at him and see the man that promised to love her.

Whoever she is, no matter what she says and does, he will always love her. Even now, when he’s so angry, he still loves her. If he didn’t, he would never have reacted so passionately.

Queen’s Dictionary is placed on his desk in Huijeongjeon Hall¹Huijeongjeon Hall – King’s residence.. From time to time he reads it, fondly remembering how his Queen had puzzled him with strange words. After he collapsed in the well, the place where his nightmares came from, his Queen’s fondness and worry reminded him of the girl who once saved him. Back then he didn’t know why his Queen reminded him of the girl, nor did he understand how she gave him so much comfort as no other could. Unfortunately, the no-tou-chi relationship had forbidden him from sleeping in her arms in the palace, so as a solution he wrote this dictionary because the mere thought of his Queen gave him comfort.

“Admit the most obvious thing…”

She wants him to say he loves and misses the spirit too. Wonbeom sighs; his feelings about the possession were settled a long time ago, but he is not sure he can form them into words correctly. He looks at the portrait again and makes a decision to try. He takes a blank paper and starts writing down his message to Jang Bong Hwan. Once he finishes, he seals it in a blue envelope embossed with gold and hides it between the pages of Queen’s Dictionary.

Author’s notes

A cruel woman is a reference to both Yul Mee, because she has a rotten personality, and to Soyong because she’s torturing our bb Cheoljong. But I wanted for him to snap at her and call her out on her bs at last. She’s too stubborn.

This chapter is probably disturbing in many ways but please don’t hate Soyong too much, she has her reasons and it’s all be settled pretty soon. But you have to wait for the letter reveal in later chapters. I hope I give justice to the whole possession dilemma and CJ’s thoughts about BH.

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  Huijeongjeon Hall – King’s residence.