Like the First Snow

Soyong thinks she may be more jittery than the bride herself. She and Hong Yeon had woken up early in the morning to help Court Lady Choi prepare for the ceremony. She even recalls faint memories of her own wedding in the process, sometimes she doesn’t feel like she had wedding at all. Soyong is overjoyed for her friend and enjoys helping out as she applies makeup on someone else for the first time.

They chatter and laugh among themselves while Hong Yeon works on Court Lady Choi’s hair and Soyong paints her lips carefully. It is the first time Soyong has seen her friend with makeup and she thinks it compliments her very well. Or perhaps it is the excitement that suits her face so well.

“Are you nervous?” Soyong asks, but her friend shakes her head in response.

“If it’s not concerning you, Your Highness, there is nothing to worry about.” Soyong laughs at the rare joke from Court Lady Choi.

Of course, when Bong Hwan was in her body, she had given her court lady a lifetime’s worth of trouble. But now she thinks she is quite well-behaved, is she not? Soyong suddenly realizes that she’s the only one laughing, as Court Lady Choi and Hong Yeon look at her with serious expressions on their faces.

“What is it?” Soyong asks. “Do you two think I am still causing trouble?” Soyong can’t believe it. Surely the memories of the time after her wedding are fresh in their minds. Soyong has always worked hard to learn how to be a good yangban lady and a good queen. What trouble could she possibly cause?

“You forced Man Bok and I to go through all the wedding rituals. He had to spend all his money on expensive blue and red silk to honor traditions when there was no need,” Court Lady Choi reminds her.

“He has to prove he is worthy of your hand!” Soyong defends herself.

“And how are we going to survive if he runs out of money?” Court Lady Choi asks. Soyong makes a sheepish face. She may have gotten a bit carried away during the wedding planning.

“If I ever act inappropriately, please let me know without hesitation,” Soyong responds earnestly.

Court Lady Choi’s face lights up at that, smiling widely as she clasps Soyong’s hands in hers:

“Thank you! This is the best wedding gift you could have given me, Your Highness!”

Soyong laughs half-heartedly, knowing that she has just relegated herself to a future of persistent nagging. But if it makes Court Lady Choi happy, she will graciously endure it.

The ceremony begins with the groom meeting the bride in her house. In their case, it is the hanok where the maids sleep in the palace. Surprisingly, Soyong finds that the King has already joined Man Bok. The King gives her a warm smile when he catches her gaze. He is not wearing his red dragon robe today, instead wearing a hanbok¹Hanbok – a general word for clothes. in pale pink and lilac colors that compliment him best, in her opinion. Actually, Soyong can’t think of any color that looks bad on him. She also notices that they are wearing matching colors, as she is wearing a pale lilac dangui²Dangui is an upper garment with a white collar tied together by ribbons. The other name for this garment is jeogori.. She had wanted to wear a magenta one, but Hong Yeon had informed her it had an ink spot on it and that it was better to choose a pale color to complement the fresh snow outside.

“Yeon-ah, did you bring something warm to cover up?” Soyong whispers over her shoulder.

“It’s not that cold today, Your Highness,” the young maid responds unconcernedly, her face oddly blushing.

Soyong glances at her suspiciously. It had snowed through the whole night, creating a chilly atmosphere for the day of the wedding. Usually, both Hong Yeon and Court Lady Choi are very cautious about her health, especially now that she is pregnant. Soyong is surprised that they had not tried to wrap her up in a dozen robes to prevent her from catching a cold.

They eventually head outside to the gardens for the main ceremony. The snow has decorated the bare trees so beautifully that Kim Hwan decided not to add any lanterns or ribbons as he had planned. They walk into an open tent with a special table covered in blue and red cloth. The table is adorned with the food Man Bok prepared himself, as well as two vases with bamboo and a pine bouquet tied together with blue and red strings. The bride and groom bow to each other on opposite sides of the table and begin the series of rituals needed for the ceremony.

Soyong feels herself tearing up, and she glances at the King, who looks as if he has never stopped staring at her. He gives her a little smile, and her heart breaks as she remembers his stoic look when he caught her before she fell at their own wedding. It was the first time she let the spirit see her memory. And it was also the clearest memory Soyong had during her wedding ceremony.

Suddenly, the child in her womb kicks about, bringing her back to the present. She caresses her belly to calm down her baby who always seems to feel when their mother is distressed.

After the official ceremony ends, all the guests disperse into small groups, roaming around the garden with drinks and food in hand. Everyone congratulates the two newlyweds who look overwhelmed with joy in the moment.

“Yeon-ah, you said it’s not that cold,” Soyong whines, feeling like she’s going to freeze soon. “Could you bring something to warm up, please?”

The young maid agrees and excuses herself to go retrieve a cover-up. When Soyong finds herself alone, she decides to stroll around the garden, admiring its beauty as it is blanketed in snow. The snow has started to fall again and Soyong hopes that Hong Yeon will return soon or she fears she will get sick if she stays out here for much longer.

Suddenly, someone put a warm robe on her shoulders. Soyong is about to thank Hong Yeon for being so quick, but the voice that murmurs in her ear does not belong to her lovely maid.

“You might catch a cold, my Queen.” The King stands so close to her that she can feel the warmth emanating from his body. Despite that, his voice sends goosebumps all over her skin.

“Thank you,” she acknowledges him quietly without turning around because she doesn’t want him to see her blushing.

Since she does not reject him right away as she did these past days, the King feels bold enough to hug her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. Soyong softly gasps in surprise and her heart pounds quickly, echoing loudly in her ears. They have not been this close to each other in a long while, and she has missed him dearly.

Ever since she told him about the mysterious spirit she met in the lake, she had never let the King be too close to her. Her pride was damaged after admitting that the spirit succeeded where she had failed. It even managed to change the King’s cold heart. Sometimes she felt it didn’t matter and that the King might love her too. After all, she would offer him anything she could, not least her heart and love. But being the third choice after Hwa Jin and then the spirit was too much to bear.

Soyong slowly turns around in his arms to face him, and because of her swollen belly, she feels like she’s leaning into the King’s embrace. His hands are now on her lower back, holding her closely, while hers rest on his firm chest. She slowly raises her head to meet his warm and loving gaze. She wishes so desperately that his love was really for her.

The King leans down to kiss her and Soyong forgets how to breathe for a moment. But she cannot forget his cold eyes from the night she jumped into the lake. Or how cruelly he rejected her.

She didn’t have his love; the spirit did. On her own, the King had despised her. His fondness is for the other Queen she can’t be anymore. They are just residual feelings. Someday, when he finally realizes that the other Queen is gone for good, Soyong knows she will be rejected again.

Soyong turns her face from him at the last moment, and the King freezes inches away from her cheek. She cannot experience that rejection again. After feeling how loving and gentle he can be, his cruelty will hurt that much more. It is better to stop everything now while she still can. If they stop seeing each other, the King will eventually forget about her and she will not have to live in fear of his inevitable rejection.

“Please, don’t,” she whispers, breathing heavily. She feels his warm breath on her cheek, his face frozen just in front of hers. His grip around her back tightens, stubbornly refusing to give up and let her go.

“Why?” he asks, his voice hoarse and low. Soyong doesn’t know how to explain everything to him.

“Because it will hurt me.” Soyong’s voice is trembling with emotion and her eyes are full of unshed tears. “Don’t you understand that, Your Majesty?”

He finally moves back, loosening his grip on her so he can look into her eyes.

“I promised to never hurt you again, did I not, my Queen?” He takes her hands in his, his eyes sparkling with tears and it’s the last thing in the world she wants to see. But Soyong knows if she does not reject him now, both of them will get hurt even more later.

“I do not believe you, Your Majesty,” she says with forced finality, swallowing her own tears and freeing her hands from his hold.

Soyong turns around and leaves. Right away, she feels cold without his warmth and she finally lets the tears fall freely. Soyong bundles up further into his robe, sensing his comforting scent. But in her heart there’s so much cold that she can’t get warm in any way.

Author’s notes

For some bizarre reason, Soyong believes she’s a perfect lady. Like it wasn’t her who sneak into the inner palace and shout at top of her lungs how she wants to see King’s face lol

Also, it might feel like SY doubts herself too much, but I realized SY’s biggest problem is social skills. She’s good at studying and she’s a great ruler and a very smart woman. But she lacks social skills while BH and HJ are good at them, this is why they are so loved by everyone. I might discover this more in future chapters.

CJ is still a terrible pick-up master, making your wife almost get cold so you could show off, really?

PS feel bad for not giving justice to beautiful wedding ceremonies, but you can read about it here

• 1
  Hanbok – a general word for clothes.
• 2
  Dangui is an upper garment with a white collar tied together by ribbons. The other name for this garment is jeogori.