Like the First Snow

They walk inside and meet Court Lady Choi and Hong Yeon. Court Lady Choi’s face is a stoic mask as she watches Jo Hwa Jin talk sweetly. Her smile could fool Soyong’s simple-minded father, but she can’t fool Soyong’s closest friends. Even Hong Yeon looks unamused with Hwa Jin’s presence.

Soyong is trying hard not to laugh at the absurd glances shared between the two women while her father remains clueless. But they are sent on their way once her father asks them to bring tea.

Sweet Hong Yeon even makes a threatening face towards Soyong as she passes by, as she used to do when she competed with the late O-Wol¹O-Wol is Hwa Jins’ made who was murdered in the palace. Just a reminder..

Hwa Jin and Soyong’s father settle in a room once Soyong’s attendants depart to prepare tea. Soyong finally has a chance to sneak around. She has never been inside the royal villa, so she doesn’t know how many rooms there are and which one her son may be in. She slides the doors open a little and examines the rooms one by one. She is almost startled when she sees Man Bok in one of the rooms, but he is too busy lying on the bedding and reading a book to notice her. It seems like he’s enjoying his time outside the kitchen.

Finally, Soyong finds a baby crib inside one of the rooms. She checks the corridor to make sure no one sees her and sneaks inside.

As she expected, Hyun-ki is having his afternoon nap, sleeping peacefully in his crib. Soyong touches his little hand and Hyun-ki catches her finger in his sleep. She feels the overwhelming urge to take him in her arms; she won’t be satisfied with just watching him. She knows it could blow her cover, but she doesn’t care.

Carefully, she takes her son into her arms and he wakes up immediately. His sleepy eyes focus on her cloth-covered face and he looks as if he is about to start crying.

“Shhh, Hyun-ki-ah, please don’t cry,” Soyong whispers urgently, hugging her son. “Did you forget me already?” She tries rocking him, and he quickly calms down and even starts to laugh instead.

“So you remember your mother, then?” Soyong continues rocking him in her arms, looking into his eyes. She leans in and kisses his forehead through her mask and Hyun-ki tries to yank it down.

“No-no-no, my boy, I have to cover my face so no one sees it’s me.”

Hyun-ki doesn’t like that and looks like he may cry again. Soyong quickly considers what to do and spots a rabbit she made for Hyun-ki in his crib. She takes the toy and shakes it in front of him. That calms him down again.

“This is new…” Soyong mumbles, stroking the rabbit’s ear with her finger. The new ear, in different colors, is applied in place of the lost one. “Someone fixed your toy?” Soyong asks Hyun- ki, giving him the toy. He hugs it with two arms, smiling widely.

Soyong thinks the new ear looks pretty ugly; the person who made it doesn’t know anything about sewing. So it couldn’t be Court Lady Choi or Hong Yeon. It couldn’t be her father either; he would simply give him a new toy to replace the old one. That means…

“Did your appa²Appa – informal for father aka daddy. repair the toy?” Soyong asks and hears a laugh in response. “Your father is a man of many talents. But he has to work on this one a bit more, right?” she jokes.

“Today I saw my whole family except for him,” Soyong notes sadly. “Can you keep a secret, Hyun-ki-ah?” Soyong leans in and whispers: “I miss him.”

She hears a noise in the corridors and knows it’s time to say goodbye. Soyong lowers her mask for a moment and kisses Hyun-ki’s forehead before placing him back in the crib. When she moves away he starts crying and soon Soyong is sobbing as well. She runs into the corridor and closes the doors. Hyun-ki’s nanny’s voice can be heard close by and Soyong runs in the opposite direction.

She finds her way back near the room where her father and Hwa Jin are still talking. Court Lady Choi and Hong Yeon stand outside and raise their eyebrows when they see the disguised Soyong in distress. Even though the mask covers her face, it can’t hide her red eyes full of tears. Hong Yeon offers her handkerchief and Soyong takes it to wipe away her tears. She almost forgets she is supposed to be mute but stops herself in time before she expresses her gratitude.

Soon the doors slide open and Hwa Jin appears with Kim Moon-Geun in tow. In a harsh tone, Hwa Jin commands Soyong to take her empty basket and follow her. Soyong obeys with her head held low, hiding her puffy eyes.

“I apologize for interfering, and this is not at all my business…” Court Lady Choi addresses Hwa Jin. “But could you be a bit more compassionate to your maid, my Lady?”

Hwa Jin raises her eyebrows in question and looks at Soyong. By the change of expression in her eyes, Soyong senses she feels guilty as she nods to Court Lady Choi. Who knows what her close friends thought when they saw an unfamiliar maid in tears. But Soyong knows they have very kind hearts and couldn’t stand by and do nothing.

“I apologize, Your Highness, I got a little carried away,” Hwa Jin says when they pass the outer gates and walk away. “Did you manage to see the prince?” Soyong nods in response. “I’m relieved that our plan worked.”

“Thank you,” Soyong says in a hoarse voice. “I pushed you to help me, but still, I’m grateful.”

“It was my pleasure. I don’t have anything to do these days anyway.” They walk in silence for some time, and it’s Hwa Jin who breaks it this time. “May I ask you, what happened between you and His Majesty?”

Soyong stops and looks at Hwa Jin. Did Prince Yeongpyeong tell her everything? Did they discuss it together?

“I figured something happened because you refuse to tell His Majesty about the conspiracy. The last time I saw you, you trusted him completely and were ready to do anything for him. So I’m surprised with the changes,” Hwa Jin explains.

“I’m still ready to do anything for my family,” Soyong says firmly.

“But you don’t trust him as before.”

“Things have changed…” Soyong hesitates, not sure if she’s ready to open up to Hwa Jin. She couldn’t open up to Court Lady Choi or Hong Yeon; they wouldn’t understand. Hwa Jin could, as she has also felt the devastating realization that the man she loved didn’t love her back.

“I confessed something to His Majesty…” Soyong starts slowly. She can’t tell about the spirit so she needs to explain it in other words. “He’s feeling betrayed and hurt. It was a hard truth for His Majesty to accept. And while I understand his harsh reaction, it still hurts me a lot,” Soyong explains. “I feel like he’s ready to make amends, but I can’t accept his kindness knowing he doesn’t feel anything for me anymore. I don’t need his pretense.”

“Are you sure he’s pretending?”

“You know His Majesty. He’s very kind and he’s ready to sacrifice when he feels guilty.”

“I know…” Hwa Jin agrees. “But how exactly did he react?” Soyong looks at her confused and Hwa Jin explains further: “When I confessed my lies, his reaction told it all. He didn’t care that I lied to him for years. This is when I understood that I lost him forever and there was no hope.”

“This is a different situation…” Soyong starts, but Hwa Jin interrupts her.

“I confessed I was lying to him about my identity and that I tried to harm his beloved wife, but all he could do was blame himself. He was shocked, sure, but what hurt me the most was that he accepted this betrayal so fast and acted so calmly afterwards.” Hwa Jin is pouring her soul out; she is probably talking about this for the first time. “If his reaction wasn’t like that, if he still tries to reach you, then don’t be a fool, Kim Soyong. Nothing is over.”

Hwa Jin takes her basket from Soyong’s hands and walks away, leaving her alone.

Soyong had never thought of it that way, and Hwa Jin just gave her another perspective to look at her problematic marriage. Cheoljong’s reaction was far from what Hwa Jin described. He was confused, angry, and hurt, all at once. He came back to her over and over again, asking questions, trying to understand. Until she kicked him out when she couldn’t take it anymore. And even after that, he refused to give up. Doesn’t that mean that Hwa Jin is right?

Soyong returns to the Park estate in the evening. The estate is more noisy than usual with servants running around making preparations. She hears that Yul Mee’s guest she has waited so long for is visiting them tonight. Soyong leaves the courtyard and decides it would be better to hide from the mistress for tonight.

The guest arrives and Soyong turns around at the last moment before the courtyard is out of her sight. Her eyes widen when she sees her husband in richly colored hanbok³Hanbok – a general word for clothes.… not just any hanbok, but the one she presented to him days before her confession. He gives Yul Mee flowers and she looks flattered and shy. Where’s her arrogant mistress she used to serve?

Soyong laughs dryly. Why is she even surprised? He would probably love Yul Mee; she’s exactly his type if she stops pretending.

“What in the f-[chirping bird sounds]”

Author’s notes

First things first: sorry for the very long chapter!

Second: the next chapter going to be a two-part flashback chapter on a confession about spirit from SY’s pov and from CJ’s, I will post them a day or two apart. I wanted to write only SY’s but figured you would hate CJ too much and decided to show his perspective too.

Third: royal reunion right after flashback chapter and finally our royal couple will communicate!

PS I’m very nervous about this chapter and SY’s reunion with her son, I’m not sure if I catch a mother’s love right. And it was so short T_T

PSS me and Sarah (thank you for editing, as always!) discussed SY thanking BH for confidence. I decided to leave that part untouched and think that while SY was brave she wasn’t confident enough to fight back. And after spirit possession, she became more confident and brave, especially when she confronted the Great Queen Dowager in ep20. Like with swearing, BH woke her true nature. What do you guys think? Or think she always was brave and confident and BH shouldn’t be credited for that? I might be wrong in characterization, as usual.

• 1
  O-Wol is Hwa Jins’ made who was murdered in the palace. Just a reminder.
• 2
  Appa – informal for father aka daddy.
• 3
  Hanbok – a general word for clothes.