Like the First Snow

Close combat training always helps Wonbeom blow off steam that his Queen never fails to provide him with. For the entire past week he has spent his free time on the field, practicing a sword fight or a fistfight or shooting arrows — anything that will help him throw out the last argument with the Queen from his mind.

After her confession and his promise to find out the answer to whom his heart belongs, Wonbeom stepped aside for some time. He needed to sort things out as his mind was in a mess of emotions, and he started to doubt his own memories.

Something in her story did not add up. She separated herself from the spirit too much and he could not agree with how she described the experience. Soon he understood Soyong was confused as well, as she still tries different things from the past as part of her process to understand who she is now.

And Wonbeom had thought that maybe the time had come, that they were both ready to start taking careful steps toward each other. But he didn’t want to scare her off, so he was in need of advice.

He considered the wise Court Lady Choi, but Wonbeom was wary of her and didn’t wish to see her anger.

That left Wonbeom with another option: Hong Yeon. The young court maid was the perfect choice as she has known Soyong since childhood, and she is a hopeless romantic. Smiling brightly, she promised to help Wonbeom with everything she could.

And it was Hong Yeon’s suggestion to accidentally meet with Soyong:

“It is like in the novels Her Highness loves reading so much. She always points out how romantic those fateful meetings are!”

Upon hearing that, Wonbeom’s mind went straight to their first meeting under the rain. It was fate: he felt it and so did she. Unfortunately, Hong Yeon cut their meeting short that day.

Before attempting another impromptu meeting using the beautiful background of the palace grounds, Wonbeom had first thought he could try to impress Soyong with his passion for books. He canceled all his plans and waited in the library, surrounding himself with books, since he knows she loves studying and her intelligence is remarkable. Wonbeom had considered quoting something pompous out loud, but every time he stole a glance in her direction, he seemed to forget how to speak. She had been so focused on something silly titled Scholars Over Flowers, and they didn’t talk that day apart from their perfunctory greetings.

Eager to do something, Wonbeom followed Hong Yeon’s advice for a romantic meeting. If only the cherry trees were blooming then it would have been perfect. But the early tendrils of spring could be seen with the full buds on the trees and the vibrant green leaves, so it was still a beautiful day.

They met and stared at each other, and something moved in Wonbeom’s heart — a hope. But later that day Soyong shattered his dreams again when she visited him in his study.

Soyong had come in her full glory, beautiful and fierce, looking even more threatening with her huge belly. And while Wonbeom had been angry at her, he had also felt desire. The flames in her eyes reminded him of the days when he viewed her as an enemy. After those terrible days of misunderstandings, the attraction that lay in his heart bloomed into a beautiful, overwhelming feeling — love. Maybe their fate would repeat itself, and they would rediscover that feeling somewhere deep in their hearts?

He desperately wants to confirm his guesses, but if Soyong is right, they really must live happily separately.

But if he’s right… there’s nothing stopping them. If only she would be softer to him.

If only they could talk.

If only he could kiss her, to understand how it feels now when she is not possessed.

The physical activity from combat training helps Wonbeom not go mad when he overthinks everything. His body feels heavy and tired from the constant training of the past week. Exhausted, he comes back to Huijeongjeon Hall late at night. In the dim light of the room, he massages his neck and shoulders before reaching for the strings of his cheolik¹Cheolik – fighting garment. At the show, Cheoljong usually wore blue and gold one..

Suddenly, he hears a noise in the hallway and then the firm voice of the Queen. The doors slide open and Soyong strides into the room in her nightdress, her tight braid cascading down over her shoulder.

“Queen, why are you…?” Wonbeom looks around to confirm that this is indeed his room and he didn’t mistake his own residence with Daejojeon Hall. “Why are you in my chambers this late at night?”

“Is Your Majesty aware that my labor is past due?” She looks so serious that Wonbeom decides to simply nod.

The physicians report to him three times a day about her condition and he knows Soyong has been trying other tricks on her own. Her dedication to their child is incredible; Wonbeom only wishes he could help somehow, though logically he knows there is not much he can do.

“Then you must know how dangerous the situation is getting with each passing day,” Soyong continues, stepping closer. “It’s shameless of me to ask for this favor after our last conversation, but this is an urgent matter, Your Majesty. I have no other choice!”

“Why don’t you calm down first?” Wonbeom has rarely seen her panic like this. Soyong usually wears her emotions on her sleeve whether she’s happy or sad, but his brave Queen doesn’t typically show fear.

“I understand the pressure you are feeling right now, my Queen,” he continues carefully. Perhaps now is the best time to try to gain her trust. “What can I do, my Queen? Tell me and I will provide you with everything you need.”

“I need the King’s grace!” Soyong bursts out, her face turning rosy, showing her shyness despite her shameless words.

He blinks, dumbfounded, and his mouth hangs open in shock: he did not expect that blatant request at all. Wonbeom has learned with time that it is better not to question her logic but to go with the flow of it. And still, he wonders if it’s possible to find out what in the world is going through her head.

“My Queen, I apologize… I do not follow.” He is finally able to squeeze the words out of himself. His voice comes out hoarse, so he lets out a loud cough afterward.

“I tried… I tried so much, but nothing works.” Soyong avoids his gaze now. “The last trick is to try to induce labor by… by…” She bites her lower lip and closes her eyes. “Sexual intercourse can induce labor, Your Majesty,” she says in one breath.

He had once tried to kiss her and share a bed with her, to test if it’s still real. His heart would give him the answer he craved. But when he tried to be intimate with her before, she drove him away: it would have only been a duty to fulfill for her as she did not wish to be with him as part of his endeavor to explore his feelings. When he had calmed down later, the rational part of him understood how unfair his request was and how much it hurt her feelings.

Remembering that makes him realize how hard a choice Soyong must have had to make, to step on her own pride for the sake of their child. It pains him to think that she must endure this unwillingly, and it pains him even more that he can’t say no. His child’s safety is at stake; how can he call himself a father if he doesn’t do everything in his power to protect them?

“That is a difficult request, my Queen,” he says in a quiet voice.

Soyong’s eyes glisten with unshed tears, her jaw tensing as she looks down. When she lifts her gaze he sees a strange mix of confidence and hurt.

“My apologies, Your Majesty. I understand this is not what you want at heart.” There is a bitterness in her voice that is evident, but she continues anyway: “I would never bring this up if I saw any other choices. Do you think it’s easy for me to humiliate myself like this?”

Wonbeom feels like his hopes have shattered into a million pieces all over again. Their relationship has never been easy: there has been a lot of hurt and mutual distrust in their story. But he has never been this hurt. There is nothing romantic in her words; he is sure no novel gives its characters scenes like this. Now it is obvious that his plans to woo her, catch her attention, and start over have been a ridiculous endeavor.

“Am I failing again?” she says, bringing his attention back to her. Her tears spill over and run down her cheeks. “Am I failing our child? I am always thinking about it. What if our child is harmed because I wasn’t careful enough? What if our child is harmed in the very first experience of their life… What if I die and my child lives with constant guilt…”

She covers her mouth with her hand in a futile attempt to hold back her sobs.

“Your Majesty must promise me that if that happens, you will assure our child there’s no one to blame. Make their birthday meaningful. Maybe change it to another day…” she rambles through her tears.

“Do not even dare to say such things!” Wonbeom bursts out passionately. “None of that will happen!”

“I have failed so many times before…” she says dejectedly. Wonbeom lifts her chin, forcing her to look up into his eyes.

“What failings are you talking about?” Wonbeom peers into her eyes. “You became the Queen as you always dreamed of. You implemented reforms that the people in the palace approve of. You saved me so many times. And not only me…” He smiles, moving his hands down to her belly. “Our child is as strong as their mother. Who else could survive so many attacks, jumping off walls and running around the forest? You bravely did all that, my Queen.”

“Was it really me?” Her lips curve into a sad smile, reminding him once again about the difficult situation they are both in.

“Remember how you said I must go claim my throne because you will overcome everything? That I did not have to worry about you?” Wonbeom asks, knowing that time was solely her. “And you did. No matter how much pain you felt, you overcame it all as you promised.”

Soyong stares back at him, and Wonbeom uses the opportunity to wipe her tears away. She looks so fragile, so not like the woman who demands whatever she wants and shows utter defiance in the face of the King himself. How can one person be so capricious? He has never met anyone like her before.

His Queen is never consistent in anything, and that’s why he still doubts her conclusion about what happened. She might talk differently and enjoy other hobbies, but she’s still the same charming person he promised to know without prejudice.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your fears and worries are understandable.” Wonbeom cups her face in his hands. “I wish you could stop doubting and see yourself the way I see you.”

Wonbeom moves forward, brushing his lips against hers. Soyong gasps and shivers at his touch, wounding his restless heart again, but she doesn’t move away. She places her hands on his chest; she does not move forward, though she does not push him away either.

They have shared a number of kisses before, but it has never felt as awkward as tonight. Usually, she responds right away, with an increasing passion every time their lips meet. But tonight, Soyong feels numb in his arms, barely moving her lips under his tender touch.

This is what Wonbeom was afraid of. This is what Soyong tried to warn him about when she confessed: it doesn’t feel the same.

Wonbeom moves away to look at her. Soyong’s eyes are closed, and her hands clutch at his collar.

“I am sorry, Your Majesty.” Soyong finally opens her eyes and wets her lips with an alluring flick of her tongue. “I will try better this time…” She moves forward to catch his lips, but Wonbeom moves his head back.

“It’s not going to work if you are so troubled, my Queen.” He moves his hands to her shoulders and senses the tension in her slender frame. “I will be as gentle as possible. You can always tell me to stop.”

She nods, but before Wonbeom has a chance to kiss her again, she suddenly gasps and hugs her belly. Her eyebrows narrow in evident pain as her hands clutch at the silk covering her swollen stomach.

“What is it, my Queen?” Wonbeom asks, panic rising in his chest. “Is it the baby?” He hesitantly places his hands on her belly, hoping the baby is not causing her pain.

“It is just false contractions, Your Majesty. It is nothing to worry about. I have had them for a couple of days now.” Soyong relaxes again. “Maybe it’s better to go to the…” Soyong waves her hand towards his bedding.

Still feeling uneasy about her proposal, Wonbeom leads her to the bedding and slowly helps her to lie down. He tries to hover over her, but her belly is too big. He readjusts himself and shifts to lie down by her side. He swallows nervously and starts untying her jeogori²Jeogori – is an upper garment. Also could be named dangui., baring her collarbones.

She avoids his gaze, trembling under the touch of his lips on her bare skin. Wonbeom reminds himself that she feels as awkward as he does because there is nothing loving or natural about what they are doing. He closes his eyes, trying to get lost in the moment as his lips go up to her neck and ear. A weak whimper leaves her mouth and her hands clutch at the sides of his cheolik.

Her small sound of pleasure emboldens Wonbeom. He hovers his face over hers, and after a short moment of hesitation, he kisses her again. His mouth moves in a more demanding manner this time: his tongue brushes against her lips, begging for entrance, and Soyong responds immediately by parting her lips. With a low groan, he deepens the kiss, satisfied with her willingness to accept his ardent tongue. Her lips move hungrily against his while her gentle hands are busy untying his cheolik. Wonbeom moans into her mouth, feeling her cold fingers ghosting over his chest and torso.

They part just the slightest bit to gasp for air. Their eyes bore into each other’s as they rest their foreheads together.

She must feel it too, Wonbeom thinks. There is no way that kiss was one-sided.

He kisses her again, more tender this time, sucking her lower lip and driving more moans out of her. His hand moves to one of her full breasts, cupping it gently through the layers of fabric. Her head falls back onto the pillow, exposing more of her neck, and he eagerly moves to caress the delicate skin with his lips. His hand travels down to her hip, slowly pulling her skirt up.

“My Queen,” he whispers into her ear, breathing heavily. “I think we need to try… a different… position…”

Soyong opens her eyes, and judging by her dazed look, she must be having a hard time understanding what exactly he is saying. She looks down at her large belly and with a light “Oh,” she finally realizes what he means.

Wonbeom helps her get up into a sitting position. She frowns in pain as the false contractions seem to hit her again, but she still looks very determined to continue.

“Then…” She shifts on her seat shyly, before uttering her indecent words: “I will do everything myself.”

Even with her present clumsiness, she is quite nimble when she straddles his hips and pushes him to lie back.

“Wait, wait.” He stops her midway, placing his hands on her sides where her tiny waist used to be. “I don’t think you should strain yourself, my Queen. Maybe it’s better from behind?”

He feels awkward talking about the deed, as if it is not an act of love, but something that must be planned strategically. When he kisses her, Wonbeom’s heart is set ablaze, but once they open their mouths to talk, the mood grows cold like a winter night.

Soyong doesn’t move at first when she hears his suggestion. After a few seconds, her eyes well with tears again, but she doesn’t say anything as she shifts to stand on her knees.

“What’s wrong?” Wonbeom stops her again, forcing her to sit by his side.

“I do not wish to bother Your Majesty anymore. We just need to endure this for the sake of the child,” she answers calmly, though her voice trembles slightly.

“I want you to bother me. Please, continue bothering me,” Wonbeom pleads. “Don’t you understand? We must bother each other. That is the only way we can figure everything out!”

“Your Majesty must stop…” Soyong pushes away one of his hands to get herself free.

“No, I am not ready to let go!” Wonbeom stubbornly declares, feeling the anger rising once again. “You started it and you owe me some clarity!”

Wonbeom has wanted to tell her this for some time. She was the one who brought Bong Hwan into their lives. She was the one who started a real no-tou-chi relationship after her confession.

Sometimes Wonbeom thinks he’s the biggest victim and fool out of everyone.

Soyong seems to want to argue, but no words come out of her mouth. She purses her lips as she exhales a sharp puff of air through her nose in outrage.

“No… Water…” Soyong takes a deep breath. “Your Majesty… the water…”

“You want a drink at a moment like this?” he asks in irritation, but his last word comes out high-pitched as she squeezes his wrist tight.

“My water broke, you moron!” Soyong shouts, seemingly forgetting about any form of honorifics. “It’s happening… It’s really happening…”

Wonbeom is dumbfounded by her words. They do not truly sink in until she starts wincing in pain. He looks down and sees that her dress is soaked. Soyong hugs her belly tightly and breathes rapidly, her face scrunched in pain.

“I’ll get the royal physician. Just stay here, my Queen.” He moves to get up on his feet, but Soyong yanks him back with a force he did not know she possessed.

“No, I can’t give birth here… The room…” Soyong’s breath hitches for a moment before continuing: “The delivery chamber was prepared… I must go there…”

Not hesitating for a single moment, Wonbeom hooks his arms under her back and knees and lifts her up. Soyong clutches his collar with one hand as the other rubs circles on her belly.

Wonbeom shouts orders left and right, waking the entire palace up in the process. He hurries to Daejojeon Hall, to the chambers prepared specifically for the childbirth.

The worried midwives and physicians already wait for them there. Court Lady Choi and Hong Yeon lead him inside, guiding him towards the bedding where he gently lays Soyong down.

“It’s happening…” he whispers, taking her hand in his. “My Queen, you must give me that promise again.”

She looks at him, her brows going up in confusion at first, but after a moment a faint smile appears on her lips:

“I will overcome this no matter what.” Soyong looks into his eyes, understanding his fears. “Your Majesty just has to wait a little.”

Wonbeom stays as long as everyone lets him, completely forgetting all the arguments he and Soyong had before.

He holds Soyong’s hand and counts the time between contractions with her. He encourages her and tells her everything will be fine. She says strange words from time to time, sounding as if she’s cursing him, but she stops the moment the pain from her contractions recedes.

Soon, when the time between the contractions narrows, one of the midwives asks him to leave and wait outside. Wonbeom hesitates, keeping his gaze on Soyong’s small hand in his. She looks so fragile that he is afraid she will fall apart if he does not hold her.

“Your Majesty must go,” Court Lady Choi asks him again.

“I will be close by, my Queen. As close as I can be…” He kisses her hand.

“Your Majesty shouldn’t be worried. Surviving is what I am good at,” Soyong says softly.

His eyes don’t leave her as he walks out of the room. The doors slide closed before his face, and he’s left alone in the dimly lit hallway.

By the time Soyong’s father arrives, the sounds coming from inside the room are getting louder. Even in the poor lighting, Kim Moon-Geun appears scared and pale as he sits on the floor, unable to stand as he hears his precious daughter’s wails of agony.

“I shouldn’t have let her marry…” he mumbles, to Wonbeom’s growing irritation. “She should have stayed home… Home is good. Home is safe…”

Wonbeom wants to order him to shut his mouth, but before he has a chance, Soyong herself raises her voice from the other side of the paper wall:

“Oh, fuck! It hurts so much! @#$%^^%^&!”

“Your Highness should not use such words at this sacred time,” Court Lady Choi tries to scold her. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Soyong continues out of stubbornness, though perhaps she really means it.

Soon her voice is muffled again as if someone found a way to keep her quiet. But surely Court Lady Choi would never do that to the Queen, right? Soyong is probably focusing on breathing the right way, Wonbeom concludes.

He slowly turns his head and his eyes find Kim Moon-Geun, who looks surprised by what they just heard.

“What has this horrible palace done to my daughter?” Kim Moon-Geun shakes his head, wearing a stunned expression on his face. “She used to be as docile and innocent as a sika deer…”

Wonbeom rolls his eyes; Kim Moon-Geun definitely has not seen every side of his daughter. Even before her possession Soyong had some naughtiness in her. It only shows more now, her inner nature having been woken up.

The more they wait, the more frightened both Wonbeom and his father-in-law become. And Wonbeom would appreciate it if Kim Moon-Geun would stop tearing up as he remembered his late wife’s fate. The scary thought of Soyong leaving this world the same way as her mother makes Wonbeom’s heart ache painfully. Suddenly their arguments and her hurtful behavior don’t matter anymore. Her stubbornness, which frustrates Wonbeom to no end, is just a minor obstacle. The walls she has built around herself are just a challenging climb for him. Wonbeom can live with their fights and her irritability because it means living with her.

Suddenly, Wonbeom recalls the days when he avoided her before their marriage. She used to bother him, stubbornly trying to find any excuse to get to know him better and start forming a relationship. Meanwhile, he did his best to reject her attempts and to let her know she could not have his affection.

But once Soyong became too busy with her studies, Wonbeom started missing her. Since he was determined to stick to his plan of ignoring her, Wonbeom found a subtle way to reconnect with her. On the days she practiced music in the pavilion, Wonbeom chose to sit in the gazebo across the lake so he could hear Soyong’s skilled play on the gayageum. Those were the only times he visited that gazebo. One time, her lesson had been canceled and he was irritated for the rest of the day, waiting in vain for her music to start playing.

Another memory comes to Wonbeom’s mind, of when he found her on the kitchen floor in a vegetative state. That night, he had almost lost her. As he sat at her bedside, he had thought about how her life was always in danger, how she almost slipped away from him, how she almost left him all alone. Wonbeom had felt so much despair in his heart that he made a promise to forgive her arrogance if she woke up. He only wished for her to come back to him; it didn’t matter to him how she would speak to him. He simply wanted her to be a part of his life and to find a way to co-exist even after what he had done to her.

What a fool he was. What a fool he still is!

Wonbeom closes his eyes and the picture he sees is clear as day: Soyong and their son walking together by the lake. Soyong tells the boy a story about the mysterious lake spirit. Their son doesn’t believe the insane story and Soyong leads him to the stone with Bong Hwan’s name on it. In this picture, Soyong smiles brightly when she sees Wonbeom and he has no doubt that he sees Soyong and her alone, cheerful and regal with a bit of naughtiness.

When Wonbeom opens his eyes, there is not a sound to be heard in Daejojeon Hall. The silence weighs heavy until the baby starts crying very loud and clear.

Wonbeom lets out a relieved sigh. By his side, Kim Moon-Geun rises to his feet, whooping in joy as he welcomes his grandchild to the world.

Wonbeom is frozen in place; he is happy to hear his child’s first cry, but still scared for Soyong’s wellbeing. He is motionless when he lets his father-in-law hug him in glee.

The doors to the inner chamber slide open, and Wonbeom pushes Kim Moon-Geun away to hurry into the room. He lets out another relieved sigh when he sees Soyong sitting up on her bedding with a baby in her hands.

“Greet our son, Your Majesty,” Soyong proudly announces.

Wonbeom rushes to her side to look at their baby boy. He is so small, and his hands are so tiny. Wonbeom reaches out his finger to caress his son’s little palm. The movement seems to annoy the prince and he starts crying, turning bright red in the process.

“Hello, my son.” Wonbeom’s voice trembles in this moment that he has looked forward to for so long. “Our son…” He glances at Soyong, who looks tired and pale. Her forehead is still sweaty from the long hours of labor, but she looks utterly joyful.

Kim Moon-Geun enters the room as well, and he joins his daughter’s side to check on her welfare and coo over the small bundle in her arms. Wonbeom smiles; he has never seen the two of them being so cute together. He must admit, Soyong and her father are alike in some ways. The connection they have is unique, and Wonbeom hopes his own connection with his son will be just as strong.

“Her Highness is very tired,” Court Lady Choi announces in a warm tone. “Great Lord Yeongeun, you must give your daughter some time to rest.”

The old man starts to fuss, agreeing that Soyong needs her rest, but nevertheless having a hard time leaving his daughter’s side. Only when Wonbeom says it is a royal command does his father-in- law finally leave the chamber.

“Mark my words, he’s going to spoil our son. There’s nothing in this world my abeonim³Abeonim – formal addressing to the father. can’t find for his grandson,” Soyong says, laughing quietly.

“We will see,” Wonbeom laughs back, kissing her forehead. Soyong almost dozes off and Wonbeom wraps an arm around her. His other hand helps to hold their son.

“Oh, Your Majesty!” Soyong opens her eyes wide all of a sudden. “We didn’t come up with the name!”

Wonbeom wants to protest, reminding her they couldn’t possibly have discussed the baby’s name because of her stupid distancing rule. But after looking at her beautiful eyes he can only smile.

“When you think about our son, what’s on your mind?” Wonbeom asks.

“I want him to be wise as Your Majesty,” Soyong says after a moment. “Or maybe wiser,” she adds with a tease.

“O-ho, are you mocking me again, my Queen?” he asks good-naturedly. “Alright, then I want our son to be as astute as his mother. You are someone who sees through people even when they don’t yet know who they are. It is a wonderful trait for the future King.”

“Hyun-ki…” Soyong says. “Wise and astute.”

“Hyun-ki-ah,” Wonbeom repeats. “Your name sounds sweet as honey and warm like an early spring day.”

“He’s so tiny,” Soyong says with a yawn. “He didn’t feel so tiny moments ago…”

Wonbeom lets out a chuckle at her joke. Her labor went on for hours, to the point where he was afraid it was never going to end. It must have felt even longer for Soyong.

They marvel at their child together, Wonbeom caressing the boy’s dark, soft hair while Soyong keeps him closely snuggled to her chest. Hyun-ki grows comfortable in their embrace and eventually falls asleep in his mother’s arms.

Wonbeom thinks this is the happiest day in his life; he can barely hold back his tears of joy. But before he could let his emotions out, Wonbeom feels Soyong’s head gently fall onto his shoulder. He looks down and sees her serene sleeping face. Wonbeom shifts his gaze to Hyun-ki, and with a soft chuckle tinged with jealousy he admits to himself that their son takes after his mother.

Author’s notes

Read about labor in Joseon here and about tricks to induce labor: here

This chapter is a bit of a mess because I wrote the beginning last summer but wasn’t sure where to go with this so, after the Twitter convo about the Friends episode where Rachel tried to induce labor and how fun it was, I decided to add it to the story. The title is Minefield because it describes SY\CJ relationships pretty well at this stage, any word or action could blow up in the face. For both parties.

Unfortunately, babies don’t save troubled marriages. I plan to write about that topic in the main story, where SY will talk with prince YP about his relationships with HJ.

• 1
  Cheolik – fighting garment. At the show, Cheoljong usually wore blue and gold one.
• 2
  Jeogori – is an upper garment. Also could be named dangui.
• 3
  Abeonim – formal addressing to the father.