The throbbing feeling of nostalgia gripped Soyong’s heart as she walked through the hallway of her home. She missed this place so much that it appeared in her dreams repeatedly. Soyong knows every tree or bushe in the courtyard, every brick on the wall surrounding their estate, and every creaky floorboard inside the house. She knew how to sneak out without being caught to watch the stars. Or where to hide when she and her cousins played hide-and-seek.
A long time ago she left her natal home with the hope she could find a new home in the palace. But she was surrounded by all new faces in a new unfamiliar place with strict rules she did not quite understand. Nothing prepared her for the hardships of the palace and for the first time in her life Soyong felt so lonely.
Soyong stubbornly believed she could turn that cold hostile place into something warm and welcoming. That perhaps if she put enough effort alongside the King, the palace could transform into a cozy place where they could feel safe.
However, it was never meant to happen…
Soyong remembered too well that exact moment when she fully realized that the King didn’t plan to build a home with her. As if it wasn’t enough, her family turned out to be as hostile as strangers who consider her a doll they can manipulate. Everything she dreamed of was trampled into the dust.
The discovery of this hard truth shattered all her dreams of a new home, and Soyong lost the feeling of belonging anywhere.
After her unfortunate life in the palace and her adventure in the future, Soyong finally came back to the place she missed so much. All her dreams were about home and the people she loved living with her there.
However, with a restless heart, Soyong realized her home had completely changed while she was away. Even in the semidarkness of the hallway, she noticed how empty the house became. There were no expensive decorations or furniture, and the number of vases and pots that were everywhere decreased drastically. Seeing this made Soyong understand no one can truly come back to the past even with time travel existence.
Her father now is a despicable man exposed for his corruption. Her orabeoni1Orabeoni – how the sister refers to her brother in the family. doesn’t see her as a sister but as a woman and Soyong is still not sure how she’s supposed to react to that. If she leaves the palace, she will be a deposed Queen who is supposed to live in shame no matter what her reasons for leaving are. Nothing in her life ever be the same.
With the haunt of those sorrowful thoughts, Soyong finally reached her old room and gasped in awe. Her little room stayed exactly the same. Her old books still were on the shelving, her cabinets, boxes with cosmetics, and her favorite pot, all were exactly where she left them. With her whole world changing around, Soyong’s room appeared before her as a little miracle she could hold on to.
She felt even better later on when she took a bath, washing away the events of the night. Her right hand got scratches covered in dirt and dried blood from when she fell on the ground and slipped through it. After cleaning the wound, it appeared not as bad but she wondered if she needed to treat it somehow before she could see the royal physician. But she forgot to ask the servants and was too tired to go out of her room in search of someone’s help.
Brushing off the idea of stepping outside her precious room where she felt so good, Soyong sat before the commode with a mirror on it to take a look at herself. The reflection she saw horrified her a bit. Her cheek didn’t bleed but it started turning from rose to darker colors and surely it would get only worse by the morning. Soyong could only hope the cosmetics would cover it so her father wouldn’t notice tomorrow.
With a calming sigh in and out, Soyong took a comb and started brushing her wet after-bath hair. The familiar routine in her old room eased her worries from today. Tomorrow will be another day for worry and anxiety, there was no need for it tonight. She now needed a new plan since the King discovered who she was. Before tonight, slowing down the inevitable seemed possible for Soyong, but, as with many other things in her life, she appeared to be wrong.
The sudden sound of a creaky floorboard made Soyong shudder. Someone was walking towards her room and didn’t intend to do it secretly. Father or maid maybe? Despite her tiredness, Soyong tensed and took a stronger grip on the comb in her hand.
“Are you sleeping, Jungjeon2Jungjeon – Queen or My Queen.?” to Soyong’s relief she heard the soft voice of the King. She noted to herself, how strange it was that the King of all people become someone who soothes her worries.
“You can come in,” Soyong answered, getting up and straightening her back. It was a habit to always greet him properly as she was taught her whole life. By this point, it was just ridiculous considering everything that went wrong between them. Besides, they weren’t in the palace and it was late at night after a very hard day but Soyong still obeyed her instincts. No wonder he recognized her so easily.
The King appeared cleaned up and dressed in fresh night attire as well. There were times when Soyong’s heart would flutter with the excitement of spending time alone with her beloved King. Back then if she saw him in his night attire like that, her whole face would turn red, she’s sure. But those times are long gone. Soyong who could have all those feelings towards the King was gone too.
“To tend your wounds,” The King explained. He lifted his hand showing the box and bandage he brought with himself: “Can I?”
Soyong didn’t know how to react to his sudden act of kindness. She would like to tend her wounds herself but it would be hard to do with one hand. So why don’t use the King’s offer since he’s here? Soyong simply nodded and rather awkwardly came back to her seat.
The King sat down opposite her, on the bare floor, putting the box and bandage on top of the commode.
“There’s a cushion…” Soyong reached out for it but the King caught her hand and leveled it to his eye level, observing her wound attentively. Soyong’s concerns over the King sitting on a cold floor were completely ignored.
The King took the lid from the box and the smell of herbals filled the room. He brushed his finger into an ointment and carefully placed it on Soyong’s wound with gentle smooth movements. She hissed, feeling tingling but the King blew on the wound right away. This simple gesture made Soyong stare at his face, and more explicitly his lips, for a shamefully long time.
“Feels better?” He asked, lifting his eyes to hers, and once again, Soyong was lost for words; she could only respond with a nod. She dammed her treacherous heart for pounding so fast and she hoped the King wouldn’t notice her heated cheeks in the dim light of candles.
The King however was too busy in tending her hand to notice. He carefully bandaged her hand, tying a knot just secure enough to last until the morning but not too tight. After finishing with her hand, the King turned all his attention to her face.
Soyong already felt smitten by his attentive nature tonight but she wasn’t prepared for his eyes observing her face so closely. She couldn’t help but notice his usually chestnut-colored eyes turned into darker shades of brown in the candlelight.
How easily he could make her heart sway when her feelings for him were supposed to be just a past? Yet Soyong felt how her unresolved affection made her memorize all the new little details of him.
Soyong felt embarrassed when she noticed his reaction to her bruised cheek. His jaw clenched at the sight but he said nothing, just slowly and lightly patted the ointment over her cheek. It kept surprising Soyong how much he seemed to care about her all of a sudden.
This new warmth and kindness the King emitted somehow intimidated Soyong more than his past hostility. Comparison of this King and the King she knew before wasn’t flattering for the latter. Sadness overlapped Soyong’s thoughts again, pondering if the King from before might be back depending on what she did wrong from his point of view.
“Oh-ho, why are staring at me like that?” He jokingly whispered; one corner of his lip curved up showing a dimple. That was a new sight for Soyong as well and as before, she saved it somewhere in her memory.
“I was wondering if you have changed or perhaps Jeonha3Jeonha – Your Majesty. was always like that, and I simply never experienced seeing this side of you,” Soyong whispered wistfully. The way the King’s smile vanished from his face told her he knew the answer to that. So did Soyong.
He lowered his eyes for a second before looking at her again. “I see you differently,” he confidently said. It was a short but nonetheless meaningful answer that said much more than Soyong had expected.
For a moment, Soyong’s heart fluttered with hope again. But that moment evaporated before it could grow into joy because she remembered the King knew she tried to commit suicide. Everyone at the palace knew about her weakness and desperation.
“Is it a pity?” Soyong asked in disbelief, but the King’s immediate reaction told her it was not the case. She didn’t let him talk and continued with her second guess: “Or guilt?”
The King didn’t have to say anything; the way he froze with a sorrowful expression on his face told Soyong everything she needed to know.
Even back when she experienced his hostility, Soyong knew he had a good heart. He just couldn’t be good to her. At first, she thought it was because he hadn’t chosen her as his future wife and had already promised his heart to another woman. Later, she realized it was the King’s relationship with her family that made him so distant.
Therefore, she had no reason to believe otherwise, regardless of how his heart felt towards her specifically. She saw his good nature in his sad eyes when he wasn’t aware she was watching.
“Various reasons made me choose to jump into the lake,” Soyong said; it was important for her to tell her truth. “Don’t beat yourself over it too harshly.”
She couldn’t lie to him and console him that his rejection didn’t affect her decision that night at all. But if other awful realizations hadn’t happened that night, if there hadn’t been the build-up all those months before, his rejection would cost only some tears before she would go to sleep.
“Did other people who wronged you apologize or showed remorse?” The King asked, lifting his eyes to look at her. Soyong thought she knew every shade of sadness in those eyes but she never saw this one. “At least someone should; so let it be me.”
“Besides, what happened to you tonight is also my fault,” the King continued. “If I didn’t trick you into drinking last night you would visit your home during the day with proper protection from guards… No, even before that…” The King was spouting off without a stop, seemed he needed to ease everything from his mind. “If it wasn’t for me and Chef Bong Hwan who exposed your whole family they wouldn’t target you…” He stopped for a moment catching his breath, looking into her eyes with a mix of sadness and what Soyong could call longing.
Those various emotions behind his eyes probably surprised Soyong the most tonight. She wanted to escape the palace life because she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life seeing his eyes full of despise for her. And now his gaze showed anything but former coldness.
“My family didn’t need many reasons to threaten me again,” at least this guilt Soyong could lift from King’s heart. “Even if you both did nothing, my family wasn’t happy with me already…”
“Why?” The King looked at her frightened. “Was it somehow related to…”
“Not everything revolves around you, Jeonha,” Soyong rolled her eyes. She wasn’t annoyed really, she just wanted to avoid heavy discussion. Her family asked to spy on him and she refused. And even though it was related to him, her decision to oppose her family was what Soyong felt was right. “They asked me to do something I found unacceptable as the Queen. The root of my family’s anger was… me. I didn’t want to lose who I was for their games.”
“I still need to apologize for…” The King sighed: “… a lot.”
“And I must thank you for saving me tonight,” Soyong’s mouth moved to form a smile of its own accord. Her confusion with the King now transferred to her. She didn’t know why she had acted the way she did anymore. “To do that properly, could we postpone this conversation until tomorrow? We have a lot to talk about, this whole night won’t be enough for it.”
The King softly smiled: “Alright,” he nodded. “You probably feel exhausted, I’ll leave you to take a rest…”
They both got up and Soyong walked him to the doors. He glanced at her before stepping outside her room, seemed he wanted to say something else but was battling with himself whether it could wait. Soyong decided this for him, sliding doors close before his face. However, she felt restless the moment later. Or maybe she wanted him to stay with her for longer. Now that the King changed he sparked her curiosity once again. Feelings she forgot she had before, suddenly came back in double.
Soyong slid the doors, thinking she could call for him but the King didn’t go anywhere, he was standing where she left him.
“There’s one more reason why I see you differently,” He took one step into her room, causing Soyong to take a step back. The King gave her another unfamiliar gaze that made Soyong’s heart beat faster. “Do you know that feeling when you can’t sleep or eat or do anything because…”
“Someone is on your mind constantly…” Soyong continued. She knew this feeling too well. She resented herself for this feeling ever since she jumped into the lake. She might be still feeling it right now despite everything.
“That feeling makes me terrified that you might slip away again,” he whispered, his sincere eyes never leaving hers. He closed the doors behind him without turning or losing the sigh of her.
Soyong too felt that fear suddenly. A fear that she might travel in time in her sleep and not see him again.
“I’m where I’m supposed to be,” Soyong declared, to herself, to the King, and to the whole world, sealing the time traveling for good. “I’m not going to run away anymore…”
She felt so confident despite the unfortunate incident from before. Although the King saved her, nonetheless, she faced her attackers bravely.
“This is my Jungjeon,” The King softly smiled, showing his dimples again.
Soyong wished he would stop making her heart feel the way it feels. It’s just a smile, a simple smile. Many people smile but no one ever made her heart flutter like his smile did. But accompanied by encouraging words and the proud sound of his voice, it was impossible for Soyong to ignore her heart.
Feeling the boost of courage, Soyong stepped closer to the King, placed her hands on his cheeks, and tugged him into a kiss. He froze for a second but before Soyong could even fully register it, he kissed her back.
His hands embraced her tightly, pulling her closer and his soft lips moved smoothly against hers as if they had done it many times before. There was no hesitation, no doubts in the way they shared their kiss. Just Soyong and the man she has unresolved feelings for shared a tender moment without second thoughts.
Soyong had to stand on her tiptoes, leaning her body into his the way she never dreamed of before. It would be considered scandalous for a Joseon lady to be so brazen but Soyong got tired from being appear as perfect. Instead of falling into a useless feeling of shame, Soyong moved her hand to the back of the King’s head to have a more comfortable hold while more hunger arose in them.
Soyong didn’t even notice that they were moving until her back almost hit the closet standing by the wall. But her oh so tender King turned her away in time and his back hit the closet instead. In the corner of her eye, Soyong saw the vase on top of the closet shake dangerously.
The King might sensed she got distracted for a moment and found a way to catch her attention back by moving them again. He carefully turned them around the corner, and the next thing Soyong knew was that she was pressed against the bare wall.
The sound of the golden vase hitting the floor with a thud made both of them first shudder and then freeze on the spot. Still holding onto the King’s wide shoulders, Soyong turned her head to the sound. The vase wasn’t smashed but it made enough noise to alert someone to check. Soyong could have sworn that both she and the King barely breathed, trying to listen if anyone woke up. But the house appeared silent.
Soyong sighed in relief, the last thing she needed was anyone to find her in the King’s embrace like that. They both turned their heads to look at each other again and without saying a word they let out a chuckle.
“We almost got caught,” The King whispered with a light laugh.
His half-hooded eyes looked at her with such tenderness that Soyong could feel her knees go weak. Thankfully, he still held her pressed against the wall and her hands clutched his shoulders, so she was secured from the embarrassment of possible fall.
The King put their foreheads together: “Are we moving too fast, Jungjeon?” He closed his eyes, breathing deeply, as if he tried to hold himself back.
After months of yearning Soyong did, their kiss didn’t feel like it came too soon. If anything, she was certain it happened too late. Soyong just acted on her residual feelings to finally close this chapter of her life.
“How can you be so cruel?” Soyong whispered, letting go of his shoulders, making more space between them. “Are you planning to leave me like that?” The disappointment was felt in her every word. Of course he never felt the same way she did and now when they stopped for a moment to think his mind was clear on what he really wanted.
“Jungjeon,” he whispered, prolonging the last syllable. Soyong lifted her head to look into his eyes again. She was still learning what those eyes might tell her now that she could observe them so closely and to her – there were no signs of backing down. “Do you really think we could go this far if I don’t want it?”
His hand slid down her leg and with a little smirk, he lifted her thigh up on his hip. Soyong only gasped when he moved further, pressing her into the wall again. She never was this close with any man in her life. The things she read as her preparation for her wedding night didn’t prepare her for this.
“Do not be mistaken…” She cut his sentence short with another needy kiss. It didn’t matter what he was about to say, all she needed was confirmation they wanted the same thing tonight.
Soyong’s hand moved to the back of his neck again and the other to his shoulder but this time she used both of her hands as leverage to jump and lock her legs behind him. The King gasped in surprise but caught her in time, holding her thighs with his both hands. He almost lost his balance stepping back and hitting the shelving with books. Luckily it didn’t fall creating even more noise than a vase and they weren’t interrupted. Not that it mattered, Soyong didn’t think they could actually stop even if someone would walk down the hallway and hear them.
Soyong found herself loving hovering above him, kissing him, feeling him. Her hands cupped his face and she barely caught breath between one heated kiss and another. She wanted them all. All those kisses she dreamed about and didn’t get. Act on all those shameless fantasies she had after secretly reading romance novels. All the sensation of touching him and feeling his skin under her fingertips.
Slowly, with careful steps, the King walked them to her prepared bed and gently put her down on soft blankets. Her hair spread over the pillow but Soyong didn’t care if it would be messy by the morning. All she cared about was the King’s studying gaze twinkling with curiosity.
“What a beauty you are,” the King whispered, tracing her cheek with his fingertips, going down to her lips.
His captivating eyes in pair with the words leaving his mouth made Soyong hard to breathe. For too long she experienced his coldness that now she felt drunk from his new way of talking with her.
“Liar,” Soyong let out quietly. She may be an attractive woman but tonight’s events left traces on her face and body.
“The King never lies,” he smirked. “And this…” he gently brushed his lips on her injured cheek, “…won’t lessen your captivating beauty.”
The King’s gaze traveled down to her night attire. He took a hold onto the ties keeping her jeogori4Jeogori – is an upper garment. Also could be named dangui. The main difference is that dangui is long and jeogori is short. closed. His eyes met hers again and after her assurance nod, he pulled the tie free. Soyong held her breath as the King slowly moved the side of the jeogori exposing her collarbones. But when his tender lips brushed over her skin, Soyong’s breath fastened and she let out a half-breathed whimper. Her hand traveled to the back of his neck as she arched her back, wanting for them to be even closer.
They grew impatient as the passion took over their heads. She needed more of him and her fingers were eager to untie his jacket and push it down his shoulders. The King’s lips left her only for a moment, to fully get rid of his jacket, throwing it away across the room. Soyong met his hungry lips for another kiss halfway to going into a sitting position. That gave the King’s hands a better opportunity to find the ties of her night chima5Chima – a skirt., loosening them enough so he could push the fabric down.
They were a mess of kisses and hands, trying to undress and lean into one another to sense each other’s skin. Soyong’s delicate fingers explored his firm body. His strong arms and wide shoulders, his solid chest and abdomen, everything she could reach and feel under her hands to deliberately memorize this moment for the rest of her life.
There were a lot more things she wanted to remember forever from that night. The sweet words he whispered into her ear. The feeling of his touch and how her breasts fitted perfectly into his big palms. How his soft lips wandered all over her exposed skin. The way he carefully put her lying back on the blanket, his eyes never leaving hers as he slowly moved inside of her for the first time. His hand slid into hers and their fingers intertwined as his hips rocked into hers like waves falling onto the shore. Each move went further, deeper, maximizing the pleasure.
At one moment Soyong tensed, having such a wonderful intense feeling that she wanted to freeze in that moment forever but with a low moan she had to let it go. She clutched his shoulders as he rode the afterward of her pleasure until he reached his peak with a loud groan.
They breathed heavily, holding each other in the embrace, and lazily kissed each other where they could reach: shoulder, neck, or the place behind the ear. Soyong desperately wanted to prolong their moments together because she knew a heartbreak would come soon.
A painful heartbreak of letting go.
Author’s notes:
Happy Birthday, Soyong-ah!
This is also why this fic isn’t tagged as slow burn and isn’t titled as “Falling slowly”. Of course they not gonna hook up right away, this was a one-night stand for SY and something serious for CJ. They are not ready for real relationships. I feel sad for CJ tho, he thinks it’s the beginning of something while for Soyong it’s a goodbye. But spoiler alert: she stays.
“I see you differently” – is a reference to Kim Jung Hyun’s explanation of Cheoljong’s feelings towards the Queen. The only thing that changed is his perspective and his true feelings showed.
It wasn’t intentional but when I posted the previous chapter while preparing this one, I realized that I wrote how both of them don’t have a home and feel lonely. Yet again, Kim Jung Hyun’s interview comes to my mind: “I hope Soyong and Cheoljong get along because they both are lonely with people around them.” (not a direct quote).
I tried to put more feelings into this chapter and make it more sensual instead of sexy because of course, the timing was all about feelings, past and present. And it was their first time. I hope I succeeded at least a bit. Otherwise, why did I spend the whole month writing this?
The next two chapters going to be angsty but after that is fluff fest for at least 4 chapters.
I love that people close to SY were patiently waiting for her return. The untouched bedroom is pure ❤️. But the ending made me feel so bad for both King and Queen.
She has the best support team <3 Thank you for reading and commenting!